Learning to Fall
by Agent H.E.R.O
Summary: Snape's sorry for calling Lily a mudblood. But she won't accept his apology. Snape has to move on, but first he needs to learn to fall. Goes to the song by Boys Like Girls- Learning to Fall


So I just watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and was listening to this song today. Apparently my brain was just brilliant enough to create this story. Hope you like it and please review!

_Today's the day, the worst day of my life._

_You sulk until it hurts me, I don't know why._

_The cost of misery is at an all time high._

_I keep it hidden, close to the surface inside._

Snape should've never called Lily a mudblood. Or anyone else for that matter. Now, even after he apologized Lily still wouldn't forgive him. So he sat in Potions class, the one class he loved but not because he was good at it, oh no, because Lily was in this class. But that also meant so were the Marauders. He cleared the place on the table next to him where Lily usually sat, but today she walked right by without even a passive glance. He could hear James and his mate, Sirius, laugh behind him. Snape dug out his new dark arts book and started reading, trying to pretend Lily's stunt didn't effect him.

"Hey Snivellus! What're you reading now? A book on how to become a death eater?"

Severus turned around, "Just because you envy those of us who can read Black, does not give you the right to ridicule us."

James entered the conversation now, "Just because you're an arse and Lily doesn't like you doesn't mean that you can ridicule those of us she does like!"

The conversation caught Lily's attention and hearing that jeer she turned away from Severus, obviously siding with James.

Professor Slughorn came in at that moment and started the class. Snape hid his face behind his book so no one could see the secret tear that ran down his pale cheek.

After potions class ended. Snape touched Lily's sleeve ever so gently.

"I need to talk to you."

Lily turned on him, her brilliant green eyes more furious than ever before.

"I'm surprised you wanted to touch, let alone talk to a mudblood like me!"

James confronted Snape after that, "Don't ever talk to my girl again like that!"

"Your girl?" Snape questioned, for once, the sneer left his face and shock sprayed across his face.

"Yeah, that's right. After you called her that horrid name she came straight to me you greasy git. And I held her and comforted her and we kissed. So don't even think about your slimy little paws touching Lily."

I'm learning to fall.

I can't hardly breathe.

When I'm going down don't worry 'bout me.

Don't try this at home.

Pretend you don't see.

I don't wanna know that you know it should have been me.

James released his grip on Snape, pushing him back against the stone wall of the potions classroom.

"See you around Snivellus!"

Snape burst out of the room. His feet pounding the stairs two at a time till he was safe inside his dorm room. He crouched down between his bed and his window, hyperventilating. All he could see was the hideous green carpet under his black shoes. His breath caught in his throat, making him kneel further into the ground. He placed his hands ontop of his ears, calming the ringing sensation if only for a minute. A knock on his door sounded him out of his panic attack.

"Severus? You have to come down to dinner!" Said Professor Slughorn, doing his duty as head of house.

Snape took a sharp gulp full of air before pulling himself up with the bed.

"I'll be down in a minute Professor, honestly." Shuffling feet left the doorway and Snape knew he was alone again. Fearing his head of house to come up again he pulled his Hogwarts cloak closer around himself and headed out the door.

He walked into the dinning hall timidly, making sure no one saw him. But his set up didn't go as planned. Lily's observant eyes caught his movements as he walked across the floor to the Slytherin table.

Locking eyes, Severus refused to turn his gaze. He had apologized, there was no reason why Lily should still be mad at him. He even bought her a flower, which James and his stupid friends crushed after Lily had seen it.

Breaking the contact, Lily turned her attention to James, who just sat down next to her in his red and gold quidditch robes.

James kissed her, and Lily could still see Severus out of her peripheral vision.

Sickened, Snape swiftly left the dining hall, too ill to eat.

Could you be with him?

Or was it just a lie?

He doesn't get you like I do.

And you don't know why.

You change your clothes and your hair,

but I can't change your mind.

oh, I'm uninvited. So unrequited, now.

The image of Potter kissing Lily replayed in his mind over and over again that night while Severus was trying to get to sleep. How could Lily ever like anything so vulgar and disgusting as Potter. Even his name sounds like a toilet seat, Snape thought.

The next night was the Yule Ball and Snape, forced to go by Professor Slughorn, stood at the bottom of the stairs tugging nervously on his old dress clothes.

Lily walked down the stairs next, her hair was tied up in an elegant up do, making her look more and more like the goddess Snape knew her to be. Her dress sparkled with a dazzling emerald green to match her eyes. Snape gasped softly as Lily traipsed across the floor, past Severus, to James Potter. James looked at Severus and smirked, pulling Lily over to his friends.

Severus felt the pain in his chest tighten more and more as Lily blushed and laughed with her and Jame's friends. Snape shuffled over to Lily. Tapping her lightly on her shoulder, he mumbled, "Please Lily, I need to talk with you." Lily yanked her shoulder away. James noticed this action, and pushed Severus roughly on the shoulder.

"What are you doing here Snivellus? I thought we told you to shove off!" Snape met Lily's eyes.

"Lily. Please."

"I'm sorry Severus." She turned away, the trimmings on her dress flowed across the floor. James went off with Lily signaling something to Sirius. Lupin turned away, being the prefect he was, and Peter was, surprisingly, dancing with a girl.

Sirius grabbed Snape's wrist taking him out of sight of the teachers.

Words screaming in my head.

Why did you leave?

And I can't stop dreaming.

Watching you and him.

When it should have been.

It should have been me.

Sirius took out his wand. "James and I came up with a new hex for you Snivellus"

Safe to say, the rest of that night was spent in the hospital wing. Snape's head wouldn't stop pounding, the same words blasting through his ears from a few days ago.

"Mudblood!"

"Snivellus!"

"Lily!"

"Potter!"

"Black!"

The latest replay was of Lily twirling around in her green dress towards Potter, away from him after he had nearly begged just to talk with her. Snape's hands balled into fists as he realized that should've been him looping his arm through Lily's and dancing with her across the marble floor.

"Mr. Snape! I thought I told you to be asleep by now!"

"I'm sorry Madam Pomfrey, I can't sleep."

"Here," she shoved a vial into Snape's hands clucking on the way back to her office.

Snape drank deeply the silvery liquid in the glass bottle. Setting the bottle down next to his bed, he fell into a fitful slumber.

In his dream, Potter, that revolting teenager was laughing with Lily at him. Snape stood in the middle of the potions classroom completely naked. The Marauders turned him on a stool in the middle of the classroom. Snape's only covering was his new dark arts book.

Pomfrey shook her patient awake. "Mr. Snape, wake up! It's okay now."

His eyes snapped open, meeting those of the worried healer. "You were mumbling something about Lily Evans. Is everything alright?"

Snape nodded, turned his head and sighed,

"Everything's fine, I'm just learning to fall."


End file.
